Day One Hundred-two: Revenge of the Evil Thorns and more warm and fuzzy feelings from the trail front.
Wind storm plagued a large area of the region last night, though our little area must have had a dome around it. I didn't detect even the slightest breeze, while the news showed reports of 50-75 mph winds wrecking havoc. However, the thorn bushes from hell tumbled about last night and were right on our path, blocking parts of the trail. The dang things are dried out and the thorns sharp enough to bite my fingers through my gloves. Poor Jax's feet.... eventually had to get off the trail and find a different way about to protect his paws.
On another note, while running I kept thinking about time and my daughters. I thought about how much they have grown. It leaves a myriad of feelings when I think of them as a whole and individually. Happiness, pride, love, joy and wonder, but also touched with exhaustion, sadness and if I'm completely honest, sometimes fear.
Time ticks by, but often time feels like a super power storm cell, soaring past before I can catch my breathe, with arms stretched out trying to pull back the moment. I still struggle (and probably will always) to remind myself to take it slow each day. Try to enjoy all the little things. To be patient. To be kind. To be loving and let myself be loved (the hardest part sometimes).
Homework (especially learning about an important assignment due last minute....grrrrr), clothes to be washed, organizing schedules, dinner, cleaning, breakfast, getting hair combed, teeth brushed and all the other million little important things that gobble up moments each day. It's not easy to remember to take a deep breathe and just observe. To enjoy each quirk, goofiness and chaos, instead of telling them to be quiet. To listen intently and with purpose, instead of being distracted and in a hurry to <insert trivial thing that can almost certainly wait>.
I thought of this while I was running this morning and my eyes stinged.
The sadness comes from knowing that with time passing, each day they get older. Fear is letting go one millimeter at a time, knowing they must grow, slowly become independent, feel pain, sadness, happiness, joy, love, loss and everything in between for themselves.
So Celeste.... remember - each day you have moments of joy, love, humor, laughing and hugs. That is ultimately what is important. So chill it about the small stuff and enjoy this time. Be grateful and know you are blessed to be their mother..... just don't screw up.