Friday, December 6, 2013

Day 116: Fri Dec 6th - 11 Commandments

Day One Hundred-sixteen:   
11 Commandments (for Celeste) 
Running on Ice and Frozen Mornings


1.   Thou shalt not take thy Lords name in vain or use obscene profanity (OUT LOUD) when you venture outside in 7 degree weather. Especially in front of your neighbors. 

2.  Thou shall tie thy shoes:  Please make sure your shoes are tied well and not just pulled on and loose.  Oh and for Christ's sake... wear warm running socks and not those flimsy things that are cute, fluorescent with St. Patricks Day designs. Unless you like endless frozen toes.

3.  Thou shalt not leave your scarf at home...... again. This, my dear Celeste, is helpful to bind around your face / neck as needed. You may want to invest in a ski mask to help your face from freezing off. Scratch that. You run the risk of looking like a feeling criminal.So just use the scarf and continue wearing your hat. Don't worry, the numbness on your face will wear off.

4.  Thou shalt not fall, slip or trip. Stay on the crunchy road, but not the large chunks of plowed snow boulders on the side of the road  - with their jagged peaks and deep crevices - unless you'd like a good ankle sprain. Stay on parts of the road that were previously flattened  by trucks with good treads and that are now frozen stiff. This will provide decent traction and is much less slippery than the slushy, salty areas and it sounds pretty cool to run on.

5.  Thou shalt not trust shiny blacktop roads. STAY CLEAR! 
The devil put them there. 

6. Thou shall run on Sunday (and everyday) regardless of cold.  This is your church I giveth to you.

7. Thou shalt not envision a mishap to befall those who drive past you as fast as possible, spraying you with fine particles of ice and snow, despite the fact that you are hugging the edge of the street to give them plenty of clearance.  Bastards!

8. Thou shalt not accidently pitch yourself off the trail head cliff by going too fast or slipping. -------------->
                                                 I'm not ready for you here.

9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors warm house as you shiver running by.  Ignore the smell of the fireplace and the warm glow of lights. Damned be to those who cook bacon the moment you are passing by, that is just cruel.

10. Thou shalt not shower in HOT water while you are defrosting.
It will sting.

11. Thou shalt not complain when you get up and do it all again tomorrow. It was your idea. Dummy.

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