Day One Hundred Thirty-six:
Boxing Day and Furby Boom Bullshit
Happy Boxing Day everyone!!! ((googling boxing day)) Thank you Wikipedia. I learned something new today. If you are interested in boxing day and were uncertain, like myself... feel free to read this link.
As for Furby Booms.... if you are unfamiliar with what they are, consider yourself lucky. Don't even google the little monsters. They make gremlins seem like tame colorful sweet kittens.
It all started out with the damn fat man that came down the chimney (that we don't have) on Christmas Eve and granted my daughters wish for not one but TWO Furby Booms... one for each. Opening them on Christmas morning they seemed tame enough. The girls were ecstatic. We opened the fur balls from their coffin like box, inserted 4 AA batteries each and magically the little fuckers came to life.
First they chirped, chattered and burped, making funny sweet voices that had Siena and Izzy oohing and ahhing at their innocent darling personalities.
15 minutes later, that innocent darling little voice(s) quickly exhausted my patience. The terms "little fuckers" was born when we realized they wouldn't stop talking furbish bullshit. There is NO off button. After troubleshooting via Google again we learned that you can carefully put them to sleep if you lay them down in a quiet room where they will start to snore, eventually falling asleep. BUT if you accidentally make noise or start talking in the general vicinity of the little dears, their eyes open, they wake up and continue with their incessant loud chatter, singing, farting, talking, demanding.....
To make things worse... a short time later, Izzy dropped her furball and it went tumbling down the stairs. Suddenly it started speaking in a manly drunken voice, totally tripping out my youngest daughter. We tried playing with it, taking it's batteries out and pushing the reset button. Once alive again, the man voice was gone but the replacement was worse. The little furby fucker started speaking in a sassy, snotty, valley girl, God-damn-I-HATE-this-toy voice. Izzy burst into tears saying she "I DON'T LIKE THIS MEAN FURBY!!! WHY IS MY CUTE FURBY TALKING LIKE A DEVIL MEAN GIRL!!!!".
Meanwhile, Siena's little bundle of joy continued to speak in soft little Furby chatter with sweet little sayings, giggles and hearts in her eyes. Her little Furby said "HI" "Clouds look like bunny rabbits" "You're so funnnee" and sings in a little bird song voice. Almost seeming to act adorable.
Devil Furby, on the other hand, started to mutter sentences like " OH NO YOU DI..ENT..!!!."
in the sassiest voice possible and what I would assume to hear from a 3 year old Kardashian instead. At one point, we even thought we heard the little princess toy say "Ahhh shiiiiit..." in furbish and we all looked at each other, eyes wide in terror and amazement.
After spending another half hour on Bing.com (screw Google... they weren't helping) we were able to figure out how to pet, hug, sing and calm the little shit back into a 'somewhat' sweeter version, however Izzy's Furby continues to be much louder and hyper than it's previous self.
Who knew these little 'sweethearts' were actually bi-polar, multiple personality, unmedicated little shits.
Thanks Hasbro for helping Santa bring joy and peace to our little home.
Happy Boxing Day.
Had a good run :)